ITALIAN MOON
by mrskebab
Summary: this is edwards "missing time" from new moon starts as he runs away and ends in italy hope you enjoy x
1. Chapter 1

**ITALIAN MOON**

**EPOV**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

><p>I ran like I have never ran before, only this time it didn't bring me joy for I was running away from Bella. My Isabella, my soul, my one true mate, the person I have waited a hundred years for, and now that she's finally mine, what happens? I run.<br>As I ran I felt like I was being torn apart, the two sides of me in constant battle. One side arguing that I should never leave Bella, the other side telling me she will never survive while surrounded by me and my family.

My Bella told me all the time that she wanted to be a vampire. So much so that now I just shrugged it off because it was easier than arguing with her. For me it would be perfect if Bella were to be like myself, at least then I could hold her and kiss her. I mean _really_ kiss her with all the love I feel for her because when I kiss her now, and when I hold her I have to be so careful I don't break her. She is so fragile to me, there's nothing I want more. But how could I take away her beautiful soul like that, take away her human life? Giving her immortality would be wrong, she may not realise it now but in the years ahead when she wants a child and I can't give her that, she will hate me for making her an unchanging monster; A VAMPIRE.

Why did jasper have to attack Bella, why did I ruin Bella's birthday by taking her to a house full of vampires in the first place? The answer to that one would be ALICE.  
>Alice loved Bella almost as much as I did, their friendship was intense and Bella loved Alice too. I wanted Bella to enjoy her birthday, I wanted her to have "human" experiences so when Alice suggested a party, even though I knew Bella would hate it, I agreed.<p>

After all, it may well be her last birthday as a human.  
>After the party Jasper was full of apologies. <em>It's so hard for him.<em> As I read his mind it was a jumbled mix of blood-lust and remorse. He hasn't had as long as the rest of us to get used to our "vegetarian" lifestyle. The blood of animals isn't as luscious as that of humans.  
>Most of us get by but Jasper, he only caught a small amount of Bella's blood scent and he was frenzied and desperate for it. If the rest of us hadn't been there, I'm positive that poor Bella would have been drained completely.<br>One of the things I love most about my Bella is her smell, it's almost like freesias. When we first met I wanted her blood like I have never ever wanted blood before but now the love I have has taken over**.**  
>Now, I am her protector…or at least I <em>was<em>.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As I ran through the forest away from my Bella, towards home I tried to make excuses to stay but I knew deep down that my world would one day eventually kill my true love. In less than a year we had been together three times in which my world nearly took her life. It was myself who put her in danger in the beginning. When she first arrived I had wanted to devour her and it took a hundred years of self-control and a school full of witnesses to stop me but even still it was hard to fight my overpowering need to taste her blood. Soon after James tried to take her from me and even though I knew I should have left both times I wasn't strong enough to leave her. I just kept telling myself I was her protector and my love was strong enough to keep her alive. Now when one of my own family had tried to take a snap at her I realised no matter how much I loved her I really couldn't protect her.

When I got back the house was empty. Alice and Jasper had already gone up to Denali the morning after the incident and Esme, Carlisle, Rose and Emmett left for Denali earlier in the day after begging me to reconsider. Esme was practically on her knees, but of course I knew I had to stand my ground, even if loving Bella the way I did very nearly swayed me. Esme had the best intentions though and she had seen how truly I had been changed by my love for Bella. I was always so sure of myself thinking I was content, that is until I met Bella and she changed everything… for the better _and the_ worse.

I grabbed my bag that had been left by the door and threw it in the Volvo, my quiet sanctuary. As I turned the keys I wondered what devastation I had left behind. I knew Charlie would take care of Bella and after a few weeks she would be back to normal. I still wondered where she was now though? Was she crying? Was she brushing me off already wondering what she had ever seen in me? It killed me to not know, so much so that I almost drove past her house to see if I could see anything but I knew if I drove that way I would never leave. One look at her crying would break my resolve and I would stay, and I knew that wasn't in Bella's best interests so I drove straight to Denali.

It was shorter trip than usual, I drove faster than I needed so it could distract me from Bella. But it was harder than I ever imagined, I could smell her in the car, imagine her next to me, her long brown silky hair that always smelled of strawberries. Her hand in mine, her face smiling at me… Oh, why was I torturing myself like this? Why didn't I just turn around, go back to forks and change her? Why, why, why? Of course I know why, I love her and I don't want to damn her or change her in any way.

Bella is the most beautiful human I had ever encountered, she was selfless and kind and so good it actually hurt to know how much distance I had put between us. I wanted to go back so badly that my non-beating heart actually ached. A ache I can't even describe but that was causing me actual physical pain by being parted from her. Maybe I would use Tanya's phone to call and when she answered I would know by her tone how she was, but I resisted. I needed to leave her alone now and forever.

I suddenly shivered, the realisation of what I had done hit me… I had left Bella for good. I felt weak, for the first time ever, I actually felt _dead_.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

As soon as I switched the engine off Tanya came flying out the door.

"Edward! Oh, Edward!"

I smiled. Although I instantly regretted coming here as Tanya's head was full of thoughts unbecoming of a lady albeit a vampire.

"Edward you did the right thing leaving her, it's just not good for us to become attached to humans, we should stick to our own kind."

Her voice was thick with implication that she wanted me, and what I wanted simply didn't matter to her.

"Now, Edward, I promise I won't make you uncomfortable while you're here. I know you don't feel the same way for me that I feel for you so I will try to give you some space. I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Her arm snaked around my shoulders in a familiar way that said _I want to get as close as I'm allowed to get to you_. Her head was full of my smell, and she wanted to change the way I dress. I tried to block her out because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't be able to stay.

"Tanya, my friend, you look fantastic I'm so lucky to have you, now if you don't mind I'd like to get settled and see my family. And if you don't mind maybe we could hunt tonight?"

I hadn't hunted for over a fortnight. I needed to, and Tanya may keep quiet while focused on the hunt. Tanya's face flinched at the word _friend_. I always knew she wanted more than I was capable of giving.

"No, Alice!"

She wanted to keep an eye on Bella through her visions but I didn't want us tainting Bella's life any more. She needed a clean break and I promised her it would be like I had never existed. I needed to keep that promise for myself as much as Bella.

"But, Edward! She's going to be a mess, at least if I keep an eye on her future I'll know if she does anything stupid. Edward, I love her too, please listen to me, without you she _will_ try to kill herself, I know it and we need to be able to predict if she does so we can stop her."

"Alice, she won't do that, it's crazy. You're just trying to get me onside so I see your visions of her upset and I run back to Forks, but I can tell you this, Alice Cullen, that is _not_ going to happen so leave her alone. She needs a normal life and if I can leave her then so can you."

"She's still in the forest, Edward."

I walked away, "I'm warning you, Alice. Leave her future alone, we are no longer a part of her life and Bella is no longer a part of this family."

As I said the words I broke down and found myself outside running. Running as fast as I could in order to clear my head so I couldn't think of Bella. _I just can't think o__f her. _Nomatter how I tried or how fast I ran,the words played over and over in my mind…_**she's still in the**_ _**forest!**___

I returned to the house early the next morning to find Tanya, she was clearly upset, "Good morning Tanya."

"I thought we were going hunting last night?"

"Tanya, I'm sorry. I just had to get away, my head's elsewhere. I do hope you can forgive me, maybe we can go now or tonight?"

"Irina's unhappy with me and she won't shut up, so I could do with a run and hunt if you really are up for it babe?"

Ugh, she called me _babe_. She instantly regretted saying it and I heard her internal cursing. I just smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"_She's__still__in__the__forest.__"_ I could still hear it blasting through my head over and over again. Was she really, or was Alice just trying to get me to go back?

Tanya had taken the lead and was currently crouching so I stopped and began to tread carefully so I didn't scare away her prey. As we _dined_ on Elk and Lion I realised just how far out the hunt had brought us, we had left the house in the early hours of the morning, I would say it was now about noon.

"Tanya, I think we should head back now." I was stern with Tanya, but she just looked confused as she sat, simply glorious in the small amount of sun that we had.

"Do we have to, Edward? It's nice to just sit here and not do anything… Not thinking, not worrying, just this."

I knew what she meant, it _was_ nice and she was controlling her thoughts, so it was peaceful for both of us.

"Ok Tanya, a little while longer." I smiled and she came over and lay next to me. It wasn't unpleasant but I felt concerned she would get more from it than she should and at once the thoughts I had pushed back while we hunted came flooding back, _my__Bella_. What was she doing ? Was she okay? Was she able to sleep? Was she talking in her sleep? I couldn't control myself any longer and I screamed so loud poor Tanya almost jumped out of her skin.

_"__Edward,__listen__to__me,__it__'__s__Alice.__Please__come__on!__Please__open__your__eyes.__I__know__you__can__hear__me,__Edward!__" _

Alice's voice faltered at the end…

"_Edward,__my__son.__Open__your__eyes__please.__Oh,__I__can__'__t__stand__it__please,__Edward.__" _

I could hear the genuine concern and anxiety in Esme's angelic voice but my brain seemed disconnected with my body.

"Edward! I'm going to pick you up and carry you back to the house." Carlisle spoke with authority and concern. I felt my body leave the ground and then nothing…the darkness took over. The next thing I remember was being on the couch with Esme, Alice and Carlisle looking over me like I was dead or something.

"Oh my, thank god, Edward. You scared the wits out of me, I thought you were shutting down." Esme chided.

"Esme, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I know I was blocking my mind to Bella, then I just couldn't stop thinking about her."

Carlisle looked thoughtful for a moment before he spoke, "I think it could be similar to when a human brain can't handle everything, when it all gets too much and it shuts down to protect itself. I think this is what happened to you." Carlisle spoke with compassion but his thoughts were slipping though his guard.

_Silly__fool,__why__he__doesn't__go__back__and__change__her__I__don't__know.__She__loves__him__and__he__loves__her,__neither__can__cope__alone._

"Thank you, Carlisle. I know you're trying to help."

_My__son,__I__would__do__anything__to__protect__you.__I__hope__you__understand._

I nodded, my way of reacting to somebody who wanted me to read their thoughts and that was my way of silently letting them know I understood.

Rosalie was the one to shock me when she came over.

I sat rocking back and forth, "Edward, go back to her. This is killing you and I can't stand to see you so broken."

"Thanks for the concern, Rose. But going back would be selfish of me. Bella will be better off alone."

_He's__an__idiot__if__he__believes__that__Alice__already__saw__… _

"I have told Alice to stay away from Bella's mind _and_ future, so please do not talk about Bella. I do not want to hear it!" I cut Rose off, not something she was used too even if it was just her thoughts I was interrupting.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I felt truly alone in a house full of people who loved me. As much as they tried they couldn't understand why I was doing this, why I was allowing myself to be in such pain, they all thought I should go back to Bella and if she wanted to be changed then I should oblige. But how could they expect me to do that? To stop the purest heart in the world from beating? To take my Bella's life, the most incredible human I have ever met?

I couldn't do it.

I needed to speak to Carlisle since my mind was now made up to leave and I knew it wouldn't take long for Alice to see. It would only be right to tell him myself, I owe my father at least that much.

Carlisle was in his study when I found him, ""Hello Edward, do you have any plans for today?" he asked.

"Actually yes, that's why I have come to speak to you. I've made a decision that I hope you will understand without trying to change my mind, and accept it as something I must do." I said with great sadness.

"My son, what is troubling you?"

My guilt was in every word I spoke. "I've decided I'm leaving as soon as I get my things together. Being here isn't helping me, I need to be alone to clear my head and try to find some closure."

Carlisle's face betrayed all the emotions he tried to keep from his words, "I regret your decision Edward, but will try to understand if you explain to me why you feel the need to leave your family…" Carlisle was viscously interrupted.

"Edward Cullen, how dare you do this to us" Alice shrieked. "Why can't you stay with us? If you need to be away from Tanya then we will come with you but you shouldn't go alone."

By now she had gone from screaming to sobbing. "Alice, I love you all, truly I do but if I'm going to get over Bella I need to be away from everyone. I know how hard you are all trying but it's not working, I hear it all Alice, every thought and it brings everything right back to me." I smiled at her but felt horrible inside, of all my family I had the strongest bond with Alice. _Our__gifts_ were helpful sometimes but other times just made us feel like we were the odd ones out.

_Edward__we__won__'__t__survive__without__you._Alice pleaded with her thoughts, tugging at my heart strings as I pulled her into me hugging her tight. "I will be back Alice, I promise!"

"Edward, I love Bella…" I cut her off before she could finish, why did she have to say it, this is why I'm leaving.

"Carlisle," I said interrupting her, "I'm going to gather my things. Alice, if you could inform everybody so I can say a proper goodbye I would be grateful." She walked away nodding but not smiling.

"My son," Carlisle started "I will miss you and you will always be welcome back to your family." I nodded barely able to speak. "Oh and Edward, Alice will be watching your future so please don't do anything foolish."

As I looked around I realized there was nothing to hold me in this place and the call in my heart to Bella was getting stronger, I needed space between us and lots of it. I walked down to the Volvo to put my things in the back when I felt a pair of arms around me.

"Edward, don't go!" In her head I saw her laying down looking unkempt, I'm sure she added that for me because Alice without make-up just didn't happen. I turned around and hugged her back and whispered in her ear, "Look after Esme, she will struggle when I'm gone." She nodded looking more broken then I've ever seen her look. Everyone was upset, but the despair I could see in Esme and Alice broke my un-beating heart, even still I knew I had to go. I hugged them all and said goodbye holding onto Esme the longest, I could feel her body sobbing even though no tears fell from her eyes. I jumped in the car keen to get some distance between us before I broke down and stayed here with my family. I waved as I sped out of the drive, from the corner of my eye I saw Tanya hug Esme and Alice together. I felt guilty at not saying a more intimate goodbye to Tanya but I needed my own space and the mind reading gift I have doesn't afford me that kind of peace.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I drove for what seemed like years, thought it was only a couple of days and although I hate driving slowly I was in no rush, in fact I didn't even know where I was going.

"_Edward,__come_ _back,__I__need_ _you!_"

I looked around the car knowing she wasn't there, I knew that voice; _Bella._ My Bella.

I stopped the car but there wasn't anyone around for miles, I didn't even know where I was. I started the car back up; I could hear whispers in my head

"_Go__back__to__her,_ _Edward_!"

I continued driving, waiting for a road sign to tell me where I was. I kept hearing Bella and Alice's voices in my head, I knew they weren't anywhere near me, I knew it wasn't real. I had to push them away; I shut down my brain so I was only concentrating on the road ahead.

After an hour or so I saw a sign that said the nearest town was 20km, I knew then that was my destination and a plan started to form in my head. As I entered the outskirts of the town I realised the sun was shining a little so I found a parking space in an empty store lot and waited for the clouds to appear and protect me. More pieces of my plan were forming in my head as I sat there. I didn't want to see people while I was here so during the day I would stay inside and if I needed to venture out I would do so at night. I got out my phone and searched for a nearby hotel online; lucky for me The Swan Palace Hotel was almost across the road, I smiled at the irony.

All of a sudden my phone went crazy, _beep,__beep,__beep,__beep!_ I was sure it would be Alice but was shocked to find they were all Bella. I listened to the first voice mail, it simply said "Edward, I love you." I pressed three to save the message. Maybe I was torturing myself but I may never hear her voice again. I couldn't bring myself to listen to the other twenty-five fearing they were all her and knowing what it would do to me, so I deleted them. I started on the texts, they all were Alice.

_EDWARD CULLEN, AT LEAST LET US KNOW YOU'RE SAFE! _

They were all pretty much the same.

_I__'__M__SAFE._ _LOVE__YOU__ALL._

I just didn't know what else to say, I needed space. I rang my cell provider and changed my number, I couldn't cope with Bella calling me, she needed a clean break. I felt guilty hiding her stuff under the floor boards but I couldn't bear to totally remove myself from her life.

My phone beeped again, Alice telling me she loved me and to stay safe. I wandered over to The Swan Palace which in all honesty wasn't half bad. I felt connected to Bella here.

_Edward,__I__can't__live__without__you.__Come__back__my__love._It started again. I grabbed my room keys, thanked the receptionist and went to my car to collect my things but when I got there it was empty. _Alice_! If she thought that it would take me back she was mistaken, I would simply buy new stuff. I waited until my number had changed over which only took about an hour, I had put it on silent because I noticed Bella had called before I rang Alice.

"Hello." Alice sounded despondent. "Alice, it's Edward."

"You got another phone? Are you okay? Where are you?" Alice fired at me.

"Alice, calm down. I'm fine, I'm travelling and I don't know where I'm going but once I'm there I will tell you." I tried to placate her.

"Esme wants to talk to you."

I could hear the phone being passed and prepared for my mother's heartbreak.

"Edward!" Esme shouted.

"Esme, I'm fine. Once I have figured out what I'm doing and where I'm going, I'll call you. Please don't worry but I'm not going to call everyday, I need to distance myself from anything that reminds me of her."

Esme's tone changed, "Son, as long as you're okay_.__I__love__you_."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was twilight when I decided it was safe to go out and buy some clothes. There was a twenty-four hour mall a little further into town so I jumped in the car. I found the place easy enough but when I parked and looked up I saw _her_. How the hell did Bella find me here? I walked at a fast human pace into the store and there she was again behind the register and then again coming out of the dressing room. I began to realize that in every face I only saw Bella**.** I lost my balance and once I regained my composure and started to turn around the _Bella_ behind the register asked if I was okay, all I could do was nod. I had to get out of there, I couldn't breathe, I felt like somebody had their hands around my throat, I was literally gasping for air when common sense kicked in and I remembered I didn't need to breathe. My body finally started to react normally and I ran back to my car not caring who saw me. I drove back to the hotel still not having bought any new clothes or anything for that mater and ran back to my room**,** locked the door and collapsed on the bed.

I looked up at the curtains and noticed light shining through. It must be daytime, I had completely lost track of time. How long had I been on this bed thinking about her, day dreaming of her skin, her voice, her smell**?** I called down to reception and asked for a newspaper but was told they didn't deliver to the rooms. After offering a fifty-dollar tip it didn't take long for her to show up with a paper and a smile. I looked at the date as I slammed the door, it was Friday? I had left Forks last Wednesday**,** spent one night in Denali and a couple of days driving**,** arriving here on Sunday and now it was Friday! Five whole days I had spent wallowing in bed. I got up and looked in the mirror; I looked like hell, bad even for a vampire. My eyes looked like they had purplish bruises underneath but I wasn't thirsty. I threw cold water over my face and hair to try and make myself look presentable but it didn't work, I still looked like hell. Should I just go back to Bella? I questioned myself constantly and decided I was going to stick by my guns and go back to bed to dream of her instead.

I rolled over and looked at my phone, it was dead. I knew the charger was in my bag which Alice had taken out of the car so I called reception to offer another tip.

"Hello, this is Mr Cullen in room five" I said in my best dazzle Bella voice.

"Mr Cullen**, **I hope you're enjoying your stay, what can I do to help you?"

"I am in need of an iPhone charger; I have one-hundred dollars if somebody can obtain one for me."

"Certainly**,** Mr Cullen**.** I will make sure one is delivered to you within the hour."

"Thank you**.**" I replied and put the phone down.

Instantly there was a knock on the door**,** I opened it to see the receptionist standing there with her cleavage virtually falling out of her bra, her face lit up like Christmas. I handed her the money and started to close the door.

"Mr Cullen**,** for your information we will be charging your card today for the following weeks room fees."

I politely asked how much and handed her the cash, I didn't want the room showing up on the bank statements and the rest of the family coming here to convince me to go back to Bella. I plugged my phone in and went to clean myself up; when I came back I checked it and the first thing to hit me was the day. _Wednesday_…another five days wasted! Lying on the bed feeling sorry for myself was not part of my plan but the daydreams of Bella kept me frozen there. Dreams of her in my arms, kissing her lips, feeling her body pressed to me pushing me to go further, my imagination was so good I could almost taste her on my lips. I hoped she was well. I thought by now she would be back to normal, well _normal_ for Bella, she had a strong head and I was sure that pulled her through.

_Beep! Beep!_

My phone was going crazy with alerts.

_Call me! _

_Alice._

I text her back.

_Alice, I'm fine**. M**y phone was dead**,** you have my charger**. **_

_Edward._


	8. Chapter 8

I lay on the bed with Bella by my side talking about our new life together alone somewhere dark and overcast. We were discussing places we could go, talking about the house we wanted, the kind with a porch that wraps around the front, white walls and pretty blue shutters. Bella wanted some things to remind us of Charlie and Renee, I wanted the décor to be like our house in Forks, pale on pale colour wise.

It was all so perfect with Bella in my arms. She reached up and kissed me gently, hesitant until I kissed her back, once she felt my lips hard against hers she ran her hands through my hair pulling me closer, wrapping her legs around my waist, she kissed me with so much raw emotion. I knew what she wanted and where we were heading; I gently pulled my lips away and smiled "Ah my Bella, I love you". The silence that followed was what brought me back to my miserable reality; I was still alone on my bed, alone for days with only my visions of her to keep me company. Daydreams that seemed so real I could still feel her warmth, daydreams that mock me, torture me, that make me realize the stark contrast between us, between our worlds. Hers warm and beautiful, mine dark and cold.

What is Bella thinking now? What's Bella doing now? These thoughts tortured every moment

not spent imagining her with me. I really hoped Charlie had made her snap out of her sadness

and she was back enjoying life as it was before I tainted it. I looked down at my phone to check the date and time, I noticed the sun trying to peek through my curtains so earlier I had put a blanket over them since they didn't quite meet, not to mention the nosey receptionist that tried peeking through.

Of course my phone was dead so I put it on charge and wandered into the bathroom. I wiped my face and ran my hand through my hair, I looked awful, I was glad Bella nor my family could see me now. I could hear my phone beeping and I knew it would be Alice, two hundred texts and one hundred voicemails.

"Edward, its Carlisle, I hope you're well. Alice told me you hadn't responded to her voicemails or texts. Please come back, son. Or let us know you're okay. I miss you, we all do, even Rosalie, I know you may find it hard to believe but she does. Esme just isn't the same she feels like she lost her child all over again, please Edward, make contact. Take care."

"Edward! Edward Cullen, don't do this to me, I beg you please come home! Please my son,

please! Bella would love to see you I know she would, you two are meant to be together.

Holing yourself up in some hotel room like this isn't helping anybody. Yes we know where you are but wouldn't dream of intruding unless you don't respond, love you alway." Esme's voice sounded desperate. I couldn't listen to the rest, I deleted them and phoned

Carlisle.

"Edward, thank god you're okay!"

"I'm alive, Carlisle. I wouldn't say I'm okay but I'm surviving as best I can."

"Son, why don't you come back to us? We could help you through this."

"I understand your concern but honestly, I'm better off alone and I'm moving on tomorrow, I have an idea."

"Okay son, let us know when you arrive please."

"Take care."

"Take care."

Don't panic and run off, we need to speak to you.

I had been lying on the bed thinking of my Bella when Alice's thoughts invaded my head. At that very moment I noticed the room for the first time since I'd been here, dark walls, dark carpet and light curtains. I quickly threw my bed back together, left a few bills on the table and headed to reception to hand my keys in and pay the bill.

Oh wow I wonder if he's coming to ask me out. He looks amazing! That body, that hair, that

smell. Oh god, his face! He looks like he hasn't slept much though... "Mr Cullen, what

can I do for you?"

"The bill." I said as I handed her the keys. I could hear Alice's voice getting closer, I didn't have time for her flirting.

"All paid up."

I put the bill on the desk and walked rather fast to my car, jumped in and sped off. I was around the corner when I heard Alice thinking she was too late, she knew I had gone. She was angry and rightly so but as much as I love my family, and I do love them, I

just can't face them right now.


End file.
